beyond

becoming

—> artists are cultural antennae, creating work for contemporary consumption & preparing society for what is next to come…

For half the duration of my stay in the City - I experienced a sense of dread building within me. There was a shift in the art world & culture of our time that I knew I had to be in sync with to the best of my ability.

As an artist - that is part of the job description. I was reminded of it quite often existing in a place like NYC.

The anxiety I felt stemmed from a cluttered life in the large sense & an identity that no longer served me in the small sense. I was fully aware that I needed to get my house in order or else get swept away and left behind.

  • cinema

  • cocktail

  • noire

  • paperback

Being a professional artist or athlete is the ultimate gamble.

Think about it.

I settled upon my life’s vocation as “artist” not by choice. It is what it is. The Upside for me in taking this path was in becoming an actual artist proved to be not that difficult at all.*

*This holds true only because I paid some serious dues in developing myself into a world class competitive skier.

Salvaged slice of canvas turned into digital in new ways - from a cluttered place into jittery new order.

In school (University of Vermont) I was hyper-focused, competitive, and open to ideas. I took pride in knowing I was well trained in a variety of methods most prominent at the time.

My predisposition towards holding an identity as an “artist” tied to the values of the older order was mostly fixed in me. Those ideas had to be edited. Easier said than done. Self identity (mine) had many working parts at play that required a shift - some were beyond my control. What guided me through this process was simply being a part of the City throughout a timeline.

The Downside for me came a little later in becoming aware that I lacked certain skills & character traits to be most effective going forward.

I recognize from my journals that I apparently missed the cut in art school. By this I mean that I did not possess an attitude of acceptance along with a mild proficiency in digital art. College curriculums during Y2K were not forward thinking or well funded - but I blame myself ultimately for missing out.

Same salvaged slice of canvas wearing some new clothes from AI Goodwill

🎲🎲

For anyone ->> living in NYC is a unique experience that can tune you into a greater reality whether realized or not.

I began to understand this mostly from having exposure to events in the art world. These were often unfolding in real time just blocks away from my stoop.

Unbeknownst to me - I received a dose of higher learning by attending the Guggenheim exhibits of Matthew Barney's The Cremaster Cycle & the Retrospective of Nam June Paik. These experiences (+more unmentioned) left indelible impressions on me that only became so after some reconsideration years on.

I realize now how lucky I was to have been exposed to this during my time of professional growth. New York and specifically living in the Upper East Side (if only for a minute) provided for me in ways I did not know I needed.

Numerous invaluable moments in my normal life added up and acted collectively as an immersion in a “school” of high profile/caliber art that is/was/is accessible in only a limited window of time & space.

Through living in the chaotic yet beautiful energy in NYC with a persistent influence of great artists - permission was given to me to broaden my approach and identity. Particularly in the realm of video…

—> 🗽 📺 📼 —->

I had been a videographer all along without even knowing it.

In 1994, a peer on the USFST (Jim Kleinert) inspired me to have a go at creating my own documentary film. So I took a beat up 8mm Sony Video HandyCam on FIS Freestyle World Cup Tour in 1994/1995 in Europe & North America to capture the experience. I basically learned videography as I went while annoying more than a few people in numerous countries too 🤩.

This was waaaaayyyy before everybody had cameras on their person. It was also at the exact moment when Reality TV became a thing.

It’s also right around this moment in time when I can first track myself as owning the identity of an “artist”.

Rewind <<- Looking at the footage years on is eye opening to say the least. <<- It reveals so much about that time and place that was overlooked, forgotten, or oftentimes prophetic. Even when the cringe is edited out or accepted as fact - it speaks to the moment.

tourfilm 95 -> (teaser-one) documenting all the in-between moments of the FIS Freestyle World Cup circuit was considered foolish at the time 🎿🔥📼.

Fast->>forward ->>to ->>now ->> it appears that I had insights** that actually empower me to reframe that experience as it needs to be and in a timely fashion.

** I also have the means to connect my memory into an upgraded “software”that syncs with past + future in ways that go beyond my expectations -> more on this in future content…

Just like everybody else unearthing their old media on irrelevant formats - I would not revisit the tapes until the Covid-19 Quarantine.

For longest time - I really couldn’t process any of this experience on any level whatsoever. I did not have the life experience, insights, technical skills, confidence, and cultivated sense of playfulness to handle a project like this. So I stashed the 8mm tapes away into an archive for a later time when it might actually matter to an audience.

Culture needed to change from what it was during the Y2K era into the thing happening right at this moment (whatever that is).

theory —> keeping memories in order and updated frequently is one of many keys to longevity

Performance Art > is how I actually began my career in art as a child. 

My long term art project has been sparked anew in light of my upgraded approach.  Back I go into this medium in a culminating way to encapsulate a 25 year promise to completion.

a lost art?

y/n

Here is a glimpse into its upcoming expression in a non-contrived form. It is built on a foundation of a revised design learning system en piste.

Archive: Unboxed + Categorized

For a few years at the tail end of my NYC residency - I had all the things accumulated in life*** so far in one place. This was ideal for me because I lived on the Jersey side of the City and had plenty of space to unbox everything. Thus began the arduous editing process for me.

*** I was by no means a hoarder, however I had some red flags in tendencies that signaled the onset of this condition.

As I categorized all the items in my home studio space - I was also getting slowly acclimated to digital design apps.

Work & life had fused together a long time ago for me. Moving away from NYC, getting a time out of time during the quarantine, and having a bubbled existence of sorts in California allowed me an opportunity to finally learn & be proficient in the digital world.

True Synthesis came to me when limits were imposed through Tropical Storm Ida bringing major flooding in New Jersey. It devastated the Newark area quite severely. This was where I stored pretty much all my possessions.

Clearing out the storage unit outside Newark was cathartic & revelatory.

I received multiple urgent messages from the Storage management to fly back and assess the damage.

I had only 24 hours to pick through my mold infested storage unit and fill an SUV with everything that I knew or felt would be part of my ongoing archives. Everything else had to be thrown out. This changed my outlook profoundly.

Limits set you free.

I am aware that natural disasters create painful moments like this for a lot of people but it actually freed me to go beyond how I was.

All the accumulated elements of my life + work so far could be brought into play rather than lie dormant or presumed dead. So I entered into a phase wherein I used curated pieces of my past in ways that speak to now & connect with the future I have always actively + consciously worked towards.

Synthesis/Process + Reflection

I have many dormant projects that did not yet achieve light of day. Often I would ask myself if I might be stalled or stuck. There were definitely times when I was absolutely blocked. I am grateful for not thinking of my work in that way anymore. Living artfully takes time and requires an adaptable + tough demeanor. Listening + knowing when to step back and when to return is 🔑. That’s when the “why” of the matter is answered for me. Especially now in this time period of intense and rapid cultural + societal change.

Certain time periods have impact on the culture at large and resonate especially for me in my work. I consciously integrate them into the synthesis work cycle process.

For example -> here is a furniture + bathroom fixture newspaper advertising circular of all things. 😛. It is derived from a pivotal time period in my life and from a pivotal day in the life of a city. A precipitous moment on a city’s timeline that changed everything (San Francisco November 18th 1978).

These are parallels to my life experience running away from me and back to me again.

Having multiple apps + folders of categorized art assets always available to me is very, very, very important to my work flow. It opens doors to other rooms in my house that I never knew existed.

Paintings or sketches that were overdone and subsequently “discarded” have taken on new life as excerpts. These are treated to digital rendering in open sessions for experimentation and proficiency.

Repurposing old art projects into something new - something that may only be texture to a more dominant theme has become more of a prime mover in my current work.

When I ruminate over these clips I can choose to highlight those that have vitality. There are now many flavorful options to treat them with old + new perspectives + mediums.

Even “normal” occurrences during my day take on new meaning or brilliance. I now find myself taking pause to both capture & contemplate specific moments in the present tense. This takes a sort of disciplined approach to pausing and capturing the moment. It becomes automatic after some practice.

Art is a long game that doesn’t make much sense as you go. It’s like getting lost in a forest and you know you are close to the edge or whence you came.

Yet… you are lost nonetheless. Being ok with that makes it easier and surprisingly fulfilling. This is the act of becoming…

🔐